I want to be a mommy when I grow up...

Yesterday my daughter told me she wanted to me a mommy when she grew up. I remember saying the same thing to my mom. I guess I'm doing something right.

Becoming a mom has given a much greater appreciation of how my parents raised me. My mom made the choice to stay home to raise my brother and me. She made us breakfast every morning. I usually asked for French toast. She was there when we got home from school. She made sure we did our homework. She let me get a paper route when I was ten. (I wanted to buy a TV so I didn't have to watch my brother's favorite show, He Man.) She helped me learn the value of hard work and money. My mom was one of my girl scout leaders. She went camping with us during the winter. I remember sledding with her down a huge hill and going off trail through the woods. We both screamed the whole way. My parents made sacrifices so that my brother and I could have sport lessons. We didn't go on many vacations like so of my friends. Our vacation week would usually be day trips to local attractions. It didn't matter to us. We had fun whenever we went. My mother worked nights to make extra money to help with the bills and provide the extras for me and my brother. My mom is a hard worker.

My mother moved to the US when she was 18. The only person she knew here was my dad. I think she was incredibly brave to make such a big move for the man she loved. Mom had me when she was just 21 years old. I can't imagine having a baby at that age. It would have interfered too much with all the drinking for starters. But it was a different time as my mom often says. She had my brother 3 years later. Having two children of my own, I'm amazed that she did it and did it so well. My dad is a bit "old school". Rarely did he change a diaper when we were little. I've never seen my father cook other than on the grill. My mom did almost all the housework and childrearing on her own. She didn't have family to help her out. I am so grateful to have my mom near as well as my husband's parents to help out. Sometimes you need a break. My mom often volunteers to babysit so Dave and I can go out. She still is trying to provide me with things she didn't have.

I hope that I can be like my mom minus all the Martha Stewart stuff. I can't see myself sewing dresses for Caitlin. But I want to be like my mom in the important ways. I want to be there physically and emotionally for my kids. I will make sacrifices to give them things they need. I want to have fun with my kids and be goofy. I want them to remember special things that we did together like reading and walking the dog. Everyday things that mean so much later on.

The Parent Blogger Network is having a blog blast on what motherhood means to you or a portrait of your mother. They are doing it in honor of Microsoft's "Portraits of Moms". You can win some cool prizes so check it out.

Breastfeeding Thoughts

Goodbye painful breast infections. Goodbye confining breastfeeding schedule. Goodbye ugly nursing bras. Goodbye look of contentment while nursing.

Breastfeeding has been hard and easy. The breast infections suck. They haven't stopped returning for the whole 11 months. The time between them has gotten longer but they haven't stopped completely. I have one right now. It makes me want to stop nursing abruptly. I know it will get better in a couple days with treatment. The treatment is Lotrimin. That is right I have Athlete's Boob. That is the treatment the lactation consultant suggested when the prescription meds did not work.

In the beginning, the breastfeeding schedule feels so confining. I felt like I would never leave the house. The baby would not take a bottle at first so I could only leave the house for about an hour without fear of a hungry screaming baby. Eventually the baby would take the bottle and I felt a little less stir crazy.

The time breastfeeding takes in the beginning is tremendous. He would nurse for 20 on each side each time. I stopped him at 20. He probably would have nursed longer. It was really hard because during those early nursing sessions my 2 year old would cry for attention. It was heartbreaking to not be able to do much to soothe her. But things got better. He is a much quicker eater. He can finish a whole session in less than 10 minutes on average. And the two year is almost a 3 year old and she is much more patient and able to entertain herself.

Despite difficulties I am glad I breastfeed for this long. It somehow seemed easier than preparing bottles. I also know how good it is for the baby. I also love the look of contentment on the baby's face when he nurses. He even claps sometimes when he is nursing as if to say "Thanks Mom. Good job."

Sibling Relationships

Background:I am in a playgroup with 8 other moms. All the moms have 2 children except for one and she is currently pregnant. The older children in the group are all turning 3 within the next couple of months. The second siblings vary a little more age wise. Some have been one for months now but most are turning one in the next couple of months.

I remember when I was pregnant with Davey I was so worried about how Caitlin would react to the new baby. When you are a mom to one your whole world pretty much revolves around that kid. That in itself is probably a good reason to have a second child.

I see all sorts of reactions to the second sibling. Caitlin has a little bit of a mama bear in her. She wanted to take care of Davey from the very beginning. She loved him to pieces, literally I think if I let her. In the beginning, we definitely had to watch her to avoid unintentional injury. That hug looks a little too much like a headlock was a common remark. Caitlin would crave extra attention especially in the beginning with the time involved in breastfeeding. She would cry. It was heartbreaking to watch. She never took it out on her brother though. I would give her extra attention when I could.

Some of Caitlin's peers, seemed to have no reaction to the new sibling. Neither positive nor negative reaction. Weird. They just don't seem to care that the baby is there.

The other extreme is the kids who seem really angry that the new baby is there. Some peers have packed up the baby's clothes so they can take him back. I have seem the older sibling try to hurt the younger one. Scary. Caitlin sometimes will push or bite her brother. It is usually because she doesn't want to share a toy. I think the biting started because that is what Davey does to her when he doesn't get his way. I thought I was done dealing with Caitlin biting. Fortunately I don't think Caitlin is trying to hurt Davey. I just think we have entered a new arena, one where Davey can play with toys too. Sharing can be a bitch.

Overall I think Caitlin has adjusted pretty well to her brother. Some times I think it would be nice if Caitlin ignored her brother but then I see them together building blocks or tickling each other and I know that I love their relationship. I may say "Share with your brother", "Don't bite", and "Be gentle" a hundred and fifty times a day, but it is good for them. They are learning how to be good little people.

Weight issues

I hate when people talk about other people's weight especially to me. I obviously have some weight issues that I'm dealing with. I don't feel like I have the right to criticize anyone's weight. Talking about someone who has gained maybe 10 lbs. like that is a crime is infuriating to me. I have 20+ lbs to lose. Why do people think it is ok to discuss other people's weight? Even when I wasn't overweight I didn't take part in these conversations. Isn't there enough pressure to lose weight without having to worry about other people talking about your weight loss or gains. I find people really find it is acceptable to discuss your weight when you are pregnant. Comments like, "Wow you really are getting big" and "Are you having twins?" were common during my pregnancies. WTF. Is that really acceptable? I felt like I had to defend my weight gains to people. If my doctors were not concerned about the gains then why should anyone else be? A couple of people have commented to me about my sister-in-laws' weight gain. She is 6+ months pregnant. I find I feel just as defensive as if these people are talking about me. Really don't people have something better to say? How about your sister in law must be getting excited about the baby? Or talk about just about anything else.